Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
