My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
