I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
