i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize