i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
