I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We had to coat check the pizza.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
