I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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