yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
