my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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