Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
