If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
