Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
