I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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