I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
