I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
