you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
