But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize