I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
