Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
