It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
