ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
