i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
