Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she told me i tasted like america
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
