Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
