you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
