I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
