Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
