Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
