Ambien. No doubt about it.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
