how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
