My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
