last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
