why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
