I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
