I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
