I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
