found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
