My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
