it was like eating out sand paper
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
