I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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