These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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