Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
