The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
