If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
