Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
