I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
