Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
