i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize