well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
