I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
