i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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