haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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