i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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