she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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