I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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