She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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