Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
