dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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