That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I could fuck to npr.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
