so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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