If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
