She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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