Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
