Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
