If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
