There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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