i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We had to coat check the pizza.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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