Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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