my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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