I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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