I heard we made out
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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